Now that I’ve had the time to actually sit down and go through Sean O’Connor from the Transabled website’s accusations against my opinion on BIID, I can actually explain a bit more about my “unique perspective” on being a disabled man in a wheelchair, who is also transgendered. I’ve been accused of being chickenshit, not posting comments (server problems prevented that) and having no comprehension of mental illness. Let me share my own thoughts on Sean’s response and how I feel I am qualified to speak out about BIID.

Sean says, “I don’t expect everyone to support BIID, but in truth, you can’t “disagree” with it. BIID is real.”

I believe that statement is all in the eye of the beholder. If a schizophrenic saw purple dinosaurs, I’m sure they would insist those dinosaurs were real, too. Don’t get me wrong. I do believe those who claim to have BIID have some mental disorder, but is BIID truly real in the sense that those who have it cannot be fixed without becoming disabled in some form? That remains to be seen. At the present time, I’d say no. I say no because those with BIID use the fact that brain scans show that their brains are different than the average, non-disabled human. That’s great, but that doesn’t signify BIID. It could signify any of the many mental conditions out there.

For instance, my son has both Bi-Polar Disorder and Asperger’s Syndrome. His brain scans are not the same as the average, non-disabled individual. Likewise, neurobiofeedback is showing remarkable progress in the changing of brain patterns and structure with many involved in this therapy actually improving and brain scans showing that their brains are reshaping to be more like the average brain. This also allows more functionality of the individual.

With this in mind why couldn’t neurobiofeedback be something those who believe they have BIID looked into as an option? See, those who are transgendered do not have this option .The difference is not in there being something different about the brain of the transgendered individual. In utero, the brain actually forms as male or female. Studies are showing FTMs don’t have (for lack of a better word) abnormal brains. They have normal, masculine brains. They just happen to be in the wrong body for what their brain signifies. Something like neurobiofeedback simply won’t change gender in a brain because there is logically, nothing wrong with the brain.

My biggest problem with the transabled community is not that I cannot acknowledge these people need mental help because they do. My problem is with their method in going about it. They refuse to accept any other explanation for what they have other than that it is BIID. They believe their only cure is to become disabled. While they say they’ve tried alternative therapies I have to ask, have they really tried? Prescription medicines can alter the brain’s perception, so there has to be a medicine to help with this because this is supposedly a disorder of the brain. Furthermore, if the condition was listed on the DSMV, the doctors are most likely going to try and treat this with a medication. I don’t feel those in the transabled community have portrayed this as being a viably acceptable option. For some, it seems it is there way (make me disabled) or no way.

I don’t believe any of them have truly tried to change through therapy and medication. I know it’s hard. I have watched my son struggle throughout his life. His entire life is a struggle, but he doesn’t stop living just because he is different. We’re all different and we all have to do what we can to adapt, disability or not. On that front, I believe my son is miles ahead of those who are transabled, many of whom are three, four and maybe even five times his age.

(more…)

I have just finished moving my very last site over to my new server. This post is going to be short and sweet because I’m absolutely exhausted. The trouble began just over two weeks ago. We had hosting through The Planet. We’d never really had problems with our server going down, though tech support had become exceptionally rude in the past few months.

When our server went down, I went in, filed a ticket, and an hour later we were back up. When it happened again later that day, Ash and I were not happy. We filed another ticket. I also talked to Live Support to get the server up; this time in about 10 minutes. I was assured the issue would be investigated so it could be resolved. In the next 4 days, we crashed nearly 2-3 times every day. Every techie at The Planet had a new theory. One was that our server had too many visitors and Apache had to be set to allow more. After fighting with Apache, I realized tech support wouldn’t be helping with the issue. They had various other theories, none of which they would fix, of course.

One of my tech friends had recommended Rackspace. They’re a bit more expensive, but their tech support is stellar. After having a family meeting to discuss the price issue, we decided it was worth it, since our business sites are on the server and we cannot afford to have those sites down. It took me an additional 4 days of non-stop work (excluding meals and bathroom breaks) to get everything transferred over. Part of it was due to the server crashing and part of it was because I’d never moved MYSQL DBs before. It was a learning experience, but we eventually had the chance to move everything over. I just finished tonight.

(more…)

When I first wrote about Devotees, Pretenders and Wannabes on the Literary Illusions opinion site I was reacting on my first impulses and instincts. At the time, I was utterly disgusted by those who would lie about who they were in such a harmful way that they desired to become disabled. The life of a person with a disability seemed glamorous to them.

That’s pretty offensive to someone who has a disability. Furthermore, I was highly disturbed by Devotees, Wannabes and Pretenders trying to compare themselves to the transgendered community. I’m both disabled and transgendered. I feel I have a unique perspective on the situation and how it feels to be compared to these incomprehensible human beings who think being disabled is the “cool” way to go.

Upon receiving a URL to a Newsweek article on the topic, I learned that doctors have a name for this. It’s called Body Integrity Identity Disorder (BIID). While those who say they suffer from BIID claim they are “transabled” there are a number of reasons why I feel they should not be compared to someone who is transgendered. To better understand this you have to understand what being transgendered is and means.

Transgendered people believe they were born in the wrong gender. It is a persistent feeling that won’t go away. Studies are showing that perhaps while in utero, the fetus is exposed to varying levels of hormones. For example, since I am FTM, it’s fairly likely that I was exposed to extra levels of testosterone making my brain form in a more masculine way. There are truly signs of transgenderism, especially from an early age. Looking back, I was constantly called a little boy by strangers who saw me as a baby and toddler. Even in the womb, the ob/gyn my mother saw was certain I would be born a boy, based on how I was carried and other factors. She’d been in the field for years and I was one of her biggest shocks when I was born biologically female.

Transgenderism is deemed a “mental disorder” by the DSM, something many people do not feel accurately describes being transgendered. For all intents and purposes, transgendered people are proud of who they are. They aren’t mentally deranged. In fact, to be given treatment for transgenderism, those who are transgendered must be deemed sane. They know who they are and what they’re supposed to be. There is no shame in that and there shouldn’t really be any flip flopping on the decision. At the present time, at least one doctor is trying to get the DSM to consider BIID a mental disorder comparable to transgenderism.

Why I don’t feel it is comparable deals in part with the shame those with BIID have. They know what they want is wrong. Even if they successfully amputate or paralyze themselves they are too ashamed to say how it happened. They know that what they did was wrong and they obviously have a skewed take on reality. This doesn’t mean they are insane or can’t interact with others. This just means they think hacking off body parts is okay. Transgendered individuals may not share who they are with everyone, but they know who they are inside. There is no question of whether transitioning (in all its forms) is right or wrong.

Transgendered transition isn’t hurting anyone. Taking hormones isn’t going to damage a body the way hacking a leg off with a saw is. Those with BIID seem more comparable to those who are cutters. Mutilation of the body by cutters relieves stress and makes the cutter feel whole. Those with BIID who have amputated their body parts or paralyzed themselves say this destruction of their body parts has made them feel whole. Transgendered people may surgically change their body, but I’ve not heard of an FTM hacking off a tit with a hacksaw to become whole. If they are, then they have mental problems beyond what they believe is transgenderism and they probably aren’t really trans at all. While transgendered individuals have plastic surgery, BIID sufferers mutilate themselves. That’s a major difference.

(more…)

For those who know me, I have been living as a man since 2002. That’s when I started going by Dominick and slowly started telling family and friends about my transition. Since then, I’ve felt my transition has moved at a snail’s pace. I had to wait for my leg (fractured tibia) to heal to get in to see a therapist. Then I had other health issues and a constantly broken down wheelchair to contend with, which just pushed the process back.

A few years ago, I had the first of two top surgeries. I must admit, compared to how top heavy I was, its hard to tell I have much left. I still feel self-conscious when out in public because, other than for a very small amount of chest, I pass magnificently well. This is pre-T, which means passing with T will ensure there won’t be any question of whether I am male or female.

That brings me to T or testosterone for those who do not understand the lingo. Getting on T has to be the hardest part of my transition. The process doesn’t have to be difficult for anyone, but it has been for me. First, I was seeing a therapist. That should be the first step every transgendered individual takes. The Harry Benjamin Standards of Care for those with Gender Dysphoria requires at least three months of therapy before you can be prescribed T.

(more…)

I’ve been singing since practically before I could talk. I started taking singing lessons at age 10. Since then, I’ve worked with an incredibly talented and diverse set of teachers. I constantly think about how I’ve let some of my singing training slip away. I’m not as disciplined as I once was and I know a large part of that is due to my transition.

One of the primary effects of testosterone is the lowering of the voice. I’m dying to get on testosterone not only because I want to be on it, but also because I want to be able to get my voice back into shape again. I really want to know how deep my voice will go. I’m hoping for a very nice, smooth tenor sound. I doubt it’d get deep enough to be bass or baritone, but then again you never know. My father had an incredibly deep voice, so I guess it’s just a crapshoot.

Right now, I feel like I’m the last member of New Edition. I hate constantly having to correct people who call me Ma’am over the phone (this is the one area where I simply cannot pass for male just yet). I usually just ignore them and try to get off the phone as fast as possible without having to bring up the issue. As much as this is an annoyance, I really care more about being able to sing again. I want to know what my voice is capable of and I want to start making music again.

(more…)

I wanted my first post on my blog to be something that truly reflects my thoughts as a man who is not just an artist, but one who is transgendered. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what defines a man and what defines a woman. I obviously believe that some individuals are born as the opposite gender, but I have a hard time grasping the whole gender fluidity, gender queer thing. For those who don’t really know what this means, there are some who feel they are neither gender or both. I think these individuals are simply confused. There is no confusion, for me, in my transgenderism. I am who I am.

I’ve heard the “surgery won’t make you a man” argument before. I agree. There is more to being a man then just having a penis, male breasts (pecs), and having a beard. It’s something deeply ingrained within you. It’s in your heart. It’s in your soul. That being said, there are things a man is incapable of doing and one of those is having a child. If you have any compulsion about wanting to carry your own child, to me, you are not transgendered.

Thomas Beatie argues wanting to have children is a human need. I agree. I have a son. My girlfriend gave birth to him. I want more children and I can tell you, if my girlfriend were to become infertile, I wouldn’t be carrying any child. I have no desire to physically have a child. I’ve always wanted to be a parent, but never wanted to give birth…ever. If, per chance, I couldn’t have another child with my girlfriend, we’d do what other infertile couples do. We’d adopt. There are millions of children, worldwide, who need good homes.

Yes, I have a human need to have more children, but no desire to give birth. I bet if you ask nearly any biological male who identifies as male if he’d ever consider giving birth, nearly all (if not all) would say no. It’s just not something men want to do. The male psyche isn’t capable of wanting that.

Thomas Beatie, a supposed transgendered man from Oregon, has selfish motives behind telling the world about his pregnancy. He has selfish motives behind being pregnant. He had a “need” to give birth and this “need” made him stop taking hormones to have one child, a child he just gave birth to earlier this month. It’s convenient Beatie will be releasing a book about his experience this fall. It’s also convenient a movie will be made about his life (a documentary). In coming out with his pregnancy, Thomas Beatie has made himself open to multiple opportunities and ways to exploit his situation for money. That isn’t the only reason why Thomas is harmful to the transgendered community.

(more…)