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Dominick Evans > My Life > It Takes a Village to Raise a Child

It Takes a Village to Raise a Child

Long before marriage was a thing, back when humanity followed a hunter-gatherer type existence and even before then, we as human beings trusted our instincts. Instinctually, heterosexuality ensured that we kept our race going and homosexual relationships were had for pleasure. Some people partook in both, because there were no societal stigmatizations saying this was bad or good. There was nothing trying to dictate what is natural or unnatural.

Some days I do not understand the world, because we want to compartmentalize every aspect of our lives. We want to classify ourselves by how we look, what color our skin is, what body parts we have and how our body is shaped, who we are attracted to, what we believe spiritually (or lack thereof), how intelligent we are, how much money we make or have, where our ancestors came from and so on. Back when the Earth was young, humans were worried about survival. We had less time to classify every aspect of our existence. By doing this, we’ve forced ourselves into being “othered”. What happens when we do not fit neatly into this box or that box? We aren’t butch enough to be a true man. We’re not light-skinned enough to be Caucasian. We aren’t just attracted to a man or a woman. We put anyone else into this “other” category and we fear it. We fear the difference and in turn, we shun it.

So much of our lives are not black and white. So many things are on a spectrum. Our sexuality is fluid, though it typically doesn’t move much, but as we begin to accept the other for what it is, we open ourselves up. Maybe we typically are attracted to just men, but one special woman is so phenomenal, we overlook our gender specifications? It is her soul, her personality and her wit we find attractive. We are attracted to her person, to the soul within her being, not her gender. Being with her is more important than labels. Maybe we date someone who is transgender? We typically date women, but we are open enough to date trans women. We accept a woman as a woman, without getting into technicalities of birth gender and what body parts are or were there. We see a trans woman as a woman because that is what she is.

In earlier times, we did not question such things. There was no concept to explain transgender, bisexual, homosexual, biracial or any other concept we have attempted to treat as less than equal to the status quo. People just were what they were without fear or condemnation. People mated for procreation and had sex for pleasure. They did not commit to just one person. They lived together in small groups or families. It took a village to raise the children.

Somewhere along the way, someone decided we should be mutually exclusive. We should live our lives forever with just one plus whatever progeny we made together. Slowly the rest of the family faded from our lives and homes. No longer did we have our village to raise the children together. Families tended to stick to themselves and we developed this idea of, ‘to each their own’. We cared only for ourselves and our families. We saw divorces occurring, broken homes, and children raising themselves. The safety net of the community structure had been broken, so gone was the ability to help support, raise and love the child.


Somewhere along the way, I realized maybe I am not prone to jealousy like others. I realized I did not believe we were meant, as humans, to be monogamous. You see, even now we are capable of loving more than one human romantically. Most of us just date one person at a time. We are capable of loving humans and wanting to create our villages even if some of the relationships are platonic. I believe we can find success in our communities. To me, it not only takes a village to raise the children in it, I long for my own village. I long to live with men and women who love and support one another, who raise children together and care for one another. I love the idea of a massive home filled with a family; not just a mom and dad but Ash and I and our lovers, our closest friends and their partners and our children. No child will ever left behind, because our village will be there to support them every step of the way.

This may not be for everyone, but for me, it sounds divine.

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1 comment

  1. Nick Barnard
    Twitter: ncbarnard
    says:

    Amen!

    Although , I feel a need to be pedantic.. When the earth was young, humans weren’t on it. We’re a pretty late addition to our planet. ;-)

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