When I first heard about all of the crap this girl was saying, I was hell bent on telling her off. I was set to show her that I do not put up with her crap and that she needs to simmer down. I did those things, but then I got to know a few things about this girl, and now I feel so many mixed emotions. Part of me feels terribly, horribly sorry for her. Another part of me wants to knock common sense into her head. Still, I just wish she was not so young and had the wisdom I have, to see that what she is doing is going to make her life even more miserable than it already is.

This girl is 19. I remember being that young. I had been rejected by my family, by my peers, and can still remember how alone and worthless I felt. At that time, I could be a total dick. I figured if I was a jerk, then when I was rejected by someone else it would not hurt so much. I see this in this girl. She has been rejected by her family and I am guessing her peers. It is not right the way she treats people, but she is also doing it to protect herself. This girl is scared and nobody is there to make her see just how worse she will feel once she truly realizes her life has nobody in it and she really is alone.

This girl needs to get a counselor that understands her. Sadly, there are not many who understand trans issues, so while free counseling through WSU is what many students opt for, it may not help her. She obviously has deep seated issues of rejection and hatred in her life. She speaks about her Evangelical family who is bad for her mental state, will not accept her, calls her an abomination, and won’t let her be happy as a transgender person. Family can tear you down and destroy you. I know just how deep family issues can go and how deeply they can affect you.

This girl is alone, and will continue to be alone. Everyone has made sure she has been cut out of groups, because she treats everyone horribly. When people make fun of her, it makes me sad. I am not so different from her in that I am in a wheelchair and transgender, too. When I am not around, I wonder if they talk about me and make fun of me in the same way. Even though I try not to be mean, I try to be compassionate to others and I try to help everyone, I feel rejected, too. For most, I am fun to talk to while on campus, but nobody really wants to hang out with me otherwise. They can hop in their cars and go out to eat, go to the mall, and leave me behind. I have felt that rejection my whole life, and yet the sting never quite goes away.

This girl is rejected because she is in a wheelchair, and these people who can walk, hang out, and have fun together do not understand. They do not understand that the Duchenne MD this girl has means it will be rare if she survives into her 30s. She cannot transition because of the medicine she is on, so she will never be able to transition into a female, due to her health problems. They do not understand how many friends I have lost to Duchenne or probably how many people she knows who have died of Duchenne. They do not understand being the one left out because they are in a wheelchair sucks. It hurts. It makes you feel like you aren’t a part of the group and you do not truly fit in. BUT…I do. I know how most of those feel. I know what it is like to be told you might not reach adulthood and yet live so miserably in childhood due to rejection you wonder if life is worth living.

They do not understand what it is like to be totally cut off from family. These (your family) are the people who are supposed to love you no matter what. Most of them do not have to face such adversity with their parents. If they do, they have not come out. This girl was brave to come out to her family, knowing their religious convictions and yet she chose not to live a lie. The rejection of family is painful and with no friends, nobody to hang out with, this girl has NO ONE in her life. I wonder if any of these people can imagine having no one. It hurts. It makes you bitter and angry and hateful. I have chosen to not get bitter and angry. I turn the hurt I feel by rejection into something positive by trying to help others, instead.

I understand she is mean, but I wish they would try to walk a mile in her shoes. Bitterness is common in people who suffer. That is no excuse, I know, but I think she wants the negative attention. Negative attention is better than no attention and without acting out, she is probably ignored. I know I have been ignored before and it is not fun. It hurts. Still, I am so conflicted because she is mean to others. Her cry for help is not working as no one wants to deal with her. She is expendable anyway because she is in a wheelchair.

She asked me to hang out with her recently, and I did not know how to respond. I do not want to be around her negativity. I get where those who are mad at her are coming from at that level, but the hopeful look in her eye, a look that said I have no one, made me think about telling her we could hang out. I do not want to hang with her, especially if she acts out, but maybe I can get through to her, because once she has no one, she may think her life isn’t worth living. My thought is this (and about nearly any human, who isn’t a murderer or child molester), even if she is mean, she still deserves to live.

Technorati Tags: hatred, rejection, transgender, wheelchair, girl, school, mean, fight, nobody, worthless

First, I was NEVER kicked out of college. I am far too civilized to do anything to warrant getting kicked out. Secondly, the implication I quit, holds the connotation I had a choice in the matter. Did I quit going to WSU? Technically, yes I did. Was I thrilled in this decision? Did I have a choice in the matter? Did I just kiss my degree goodbye with little thought to finishing? I would have to say that all of these were emphatically no.

I didn’t want to leave in my senior year, but things happen for a reason. I ended up falling out of my wheelchair for a reason. I ended up fracturing my tibia for a reason. I ended up experiencing frequent pain that eventually led to my being bed ridden on and off for several years. We are talking almost four of those of being COMPLETELY bed ridden. I was lucky enough to have a computer set up so I wasn’t completely alone in bed.

I also grew restless, and fought HARD to get out of bed. I now suffer through frequent pain while up, but I don’t care. I had to return to living, and I did just that by applying and getting accepted to the University of Michigan. I completed my FIRST week. I am no longer in bed and I WILL be finishing and getting my degree in Theatre: Performance. I will have a degree from a better, Big Ten school. That is why I believe everything happens for a reason.

I am NOT a quitter. Anyone who believes that is foolish. Anyone who attempts to speak of me or for me without knowing what is going on in my life is IGNORANT. I am proud of myself for getting through my first week of school. After all I’ve been through, it’s a huge achievement, but mostly, I’m just glad to be back.

Technorati Tags: School, University of Michigan, Dominick, Flint Campus, College, Quit, Back in School, U of M, Theatre Performance

It isn’t just because I love the Michigan Wolverines that I’m so excited about our first game against Western Michigan tomorrow. This is my first game as an actual Wolverine. I am, officially a U of M Wolverine. I start school Tuesday at the University of Michigan. I will be attending the Flint campus, but all that really means is I pay close to half of what I’d pay to attend in Ann Arbor, the teachers for my program are just as good, and my degree will simply say “University of Michigan” on it. I am a Wolverine even if I am not in Ann Arbor, and I am proud to be so.

Slightly off topic, I visited the University of Michigan as a freshman in High School. We were visiting colleges we hoped to one day attend. As someone in a wheelchair who received assistance for their education through the state of Ohio (where I lived) I was told I could attend a school in Ohio, but not outside the state if I wanted to receive assistance. The reason for this, I was told, was because Ohio has a wheelchair accessible school, Wright State. That pretty much threw out my fleeting dreams of attending Michigan.

When I first moved outside Flint, I didn’t really realize the U of M – Flint was officially the U of M, just a different campus. In some way, I’ve been able to make that small dream come true and am now attending the school I’ve always wanted to attend. Since I live in the area, and my tuition is cheaper at the Flint campus, it’s the perfect way for me to finally complete my Bachelor’s and attend Michigan.

Back on track, I cannot tell you how pumped I am about tomorrow’s game. I’ve been singing “The Victors” all week. I feel nervous for our guys and for the way they struggled last year, when Rich Rod was left with practically nothing from the exiting Carr program. I have confidence that Tate Forcier and Denard Robinson can help us turn the team around.

I’ll be watching with Ash and the rest of the family tomorrow rooting on our team, but despite all that, I’m also glad that I will be receiving a quality education from my favorite Big Ten school.

Let’s Go Michigan!

Technorati Tags: Michigan, Wolverines, University of Michigan, Flint, Tate Forcier, NCAA football, Denard Robinson