I don’t know Amelia. I do not even know her mother or her father, Joe. What I do know is that this adorable little girl is facing a battle that could mean life or death. She came into this world already against the odds, with a rare genetic disorder called Wolf-Hirschhorn Syndrome. One of the typical characteristics of this disorder is mental retardation. Still, when you look into the eyes of little Amelia, you see the window to her beautiful soul. It shines through her pictures. You can see her will and might – a will that has kept her alive despite odds that see many children with WHS dead before their first birthday.

Amelia needs a Kidney Transplant. She needs it within the next six months to a year or her kidneys will fail and she will die. Her parents do not want her on a transplant list. They wish to donate their kidneys instead. If they are not matches their large family is full of potential donors. One of them is bound to be a match, to keep little Amelia alive longer. She may experience life in her own little world, but it is a world full of love, no doubt. Her mother and father clearly love her very much and her mother is willing to fight to see her child live.

Unfortunately, the transplant team at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia believes that in spite of her beautiful smile and her ability to display emotion, even in pictures, this child has such a low quality of life. The only reason for this is due to her mental retardation and the brain damage characteristic of WHS. Amelia can clearly still feel and react. She is not what medical professionals deem a vegetable. She merely faces developmental delays that are characteristic of mental retardation. Apparently, this is common practice for patients with MR/DD. It is the Eugenics movement, at its best, trying to weed out those society deems unfit.

Who gives these doctors the right to determine who lives or dies? Why must her parents sit back and watch their child die in six months to a year? Is it not the responsibility of a medical professional to provide patients with medical treatment and preserve life, if they are able to? It seems to me, all Amelia needs to continue living is a transplant. These doctors are breaking their Hippocratic oath by refusing her treatment. This is disability discrimination at its best, disguised as deeming it “what is best for her”.

In a civilized society, slowly letting organs shut down, ones that can be fixed by transplants, seems barbaric. Yet, here we are in 2012 doing this to an innocent, beautiful child. It boggles my mind that these things are allowed to go on in our hospitals and yet they happen regularly.

Imagine back to 1975, when it was still legal to keep a person like me, you know – one in a wheelchair, from attending mainstream, public school. That is a little over 35 years ago. People like me, who could not walk, were deemed unfit to go to public school. Delve just 20 years back from that and people like me were still deemed unfit to live. Because we could not walk, we were believed to have a low quality of life.

Thanks to technical advances and assistive devices, people like me, with physical impairments, are doing magnificent things. Looking at all I have accomplished in my life, I wonder what would have happened to me had I still been deemed as having a low quality of life. Look at young Becky on Glee. She has Down Syndrome, a form of Mental Retardation, and yet she is a bubbly and vivacious actress! Imagine if she had believed she had a low quality of life. She would never have been able to humanize the face of Down Syndrome with the American public, much like her predecessor, Chris Burke, did in the 1980s.

Amelia deserves a chance at a future. I urge her parents not to give up. To them, I say this: I support you and many others I know do, as well. I recommend finding a new hospital, one that sees Amelia as a person and not a diagnosis, because that is what she is; a beautiful little girl, about to change the world with her story.

I urge you to check out Amelia’s picture and read her mother’s heartbreaking tale at The WHS Blog.

Update: Help Amelia’s family out by signing a petition against the decision CHOP has made. To do so: GO HERE.

Technorati Tags: Amelia, WHS, Mental Retardation, Kidney transplant, Wolf-Hirschhorn Syndrome, child, CHOP, Children’s Hospital, Philadelphia

There is NO EXCUSE to bully…not one. Even if a child is taught that people with disabilities are less, because that is how many were treated in Biblical times, or that being gay is a sin because their church says so, that still does not give a child the right to verbally or physically harass another human being. That’s right. The person being bullied is human…just like you and me. They breathe oxygen. Their blood is red but looks blue in the veins beneath their skin. They have feelings and emotions. They feel sadness and joy, excitement and fear. Essentially, they are just like their bully physiologically; both are Homo sapiens.

If bullies remembered this, we would have no need for such legislation. We would not need to make a special law to protect children that are bullied because there would not be any bullying. The reason bullying occurs is because these bullies are often bullied themselves. They are devalued and made to feel like they are not human. They feel good by dehumanizing others…by treating them as though they are subhuman. Many of these bullies do not even consider their actions, the hurt and pain they are causing, and fail to recognize their victims are human themselves.

As much as I wish I could completely blame the government, this is where parents need to step in and teach their children how to treat other human beings. Our words and actions are often critical of others. We make fun of people without even realizing it. Look at the way we bash celebrities we cannot stand…because we do not see them as people, as humans. It is okay for us to criticize them since we do not know them. We grow up learning this as we have done the same to peers we are not able to relate to…the ones that are different. We are taught not to see them as humans…as people, like ourselves. We can torture them because we do not believe they are just like us emotionally…that they have the same kinds of feelings, themselves.

I was tortured by my peers in such a way, from the time I entered public school. In 1986, I was mainstreamed because it was the law and because I was smart. It was in this first year of school that kids all over the elementary school I attended tortured me on a daily basis. They called me a horrendous name, for a five year old. I was called “duck”. The reason behind this was my unattractive gait, a symptom of having Spinal Muscular Atrophy. While walking, my step was more a waddle, henceforth the reasoning behind calling me “duck”.

It got to the point where I could not walk down the hallway without hearing other students, from a variety of grades, quacking at me as I passed by. I would hear snickers and laughter following their quacks. To add insult to injury, I was cast as a duck in our Kindergarten play. Everyone wanted to be a bunny rabbit. I could not hop, but boy could I waddle. So, guess who was forced to be a duck? I remember crying and having to be convinced to play a duck. None of the adults could comprehend why being a duck was so upsetting to me, but then, they did not experience such harsh teasing.

It was 1987 when I first declared it was better to be dead than to live with any type of difference. What 6 year old should have to have these thoughts? Back then, my school was as guilty as my peers were. They knew the teasing and bullying was going on and yet they did nothing to stop it.

Things did not get better as the years progressed. The school attempted to force me to go ice skating, for gym, and threatened to fail me if I didn’t go. I was teased for my disability, my clothing, my family’s financial status or lack thereof, my family’s unpopularity, my weight, my hair, the way I spoke, the way I moved. I was deemed stupid, fat, ugly, nasty, pathetic, worthless, a loser, evil, a nothing. Not a day went by, in the 13 years I attended the Lake Local School system, where I was not called names, made fun of, or treated like a piece of crap.

In high school, things got worse. I was the butt of the senior joke one year. I don’t like talking about it much, but just know it involved dead rats. My doctor had me removed from the school, for my safety, as I was recovering from surgery that had almost killed me, at the time. I had just returned after missing nearly six months of my sophomore year. When nothing was done to stop the bullies, I was forced back to school. As bad as my peers were, I was equally as tortured by the administration of the school, who broke various laws pertaining to my lack of IEPs and refused to offer services to help me be independent at school, even as they accepted extra money for me to attend their school.

Raised Catholic (or Lutheran, prior) I spent much of my nights crying myself to sleep and praying for God [sic] to either change me into something better or kill me. Neither happened, and I was ready to kill myself. In the time since I managed to escape that environment and a nasty home environment, I have realized that life can get better, but it is still hard. It is a constant struggle to be different in this world. There will ALWAYS be bullies. There will ALWAYS be haters. However, as a kid, these were things I could not comprehend. Children want to see the world through rose-colored glasses. Finding out the world is not as sunny as it should be is difficult to understand.

I had no protection. I had nothing to stop my bullies. I also did not have the government backing an idea that bullies can justify their reasoning for bullying. This bill is wrong. Since the government does not appear to be willing to budge on this awful legislation it is up to parents to take matters into their own hands. Please…I beg of you. Do not let your CHILD be a bully. Do not let your CHILD devalue another human life. We are all different in our own way and that should be celebrated, not devalued. Teach your children now and help us build a better world, because the government can do nothing but seem to make it worse…for everyone.

Oh, and Michigan…shame on you. I’m glad I left. I won’t be coming back anytime soon.

Technorati Tags: bully, bullying, parenting, parents, Michigan, torture, teasing, torment, peers, disability, GLBT, gay suicide teach, children, school

I say if Grandma wants to get it on…let her! I don’t want to be watching, but to not allow her the choice is ridiculous. Remember…we will all be elderly one day. This law will one day affect you. Furthermore, I’m 28 years old and in a wheelchair. To ban consensual sexual activity from me just because I’m in a wheelchair is crap!

This brings me to my list. Society, as a whole, has many misconceptions about those of us in wheelchairs, and it all starts with conceptions about those of us in the bedroom. So, let’s get started!

1. People with Physical Disabilities are (or should be) Asexual – I get asked quite often…’so how do you do it?’ The answer is simple. I do it pretty much like everyone else on the planet. I just have to make minor modifications to my set up. For example, I don’t usually have sex on floors, couches, or standing up (no brainer!). I don’t know if people think the wheelchair turns off the sex drive, but it doesn’t. Well…at least not in my case!

I’ve found having a caring, understanding partner helps significantly. We’ve found plenty of ways to get creative and it hasn’t affected our relationship. In fact, I firmly believe it has been a strong part of our relationship since we started dating almost 7 years ago. People with physical disabilities can and do have healthy, loving, caring sexual relationships just like any other person on the planet. Furthermore…I LIKE SEX. Wow! I’m just like 99.9% of 28 year old males on the planet!

2. People with Physical Disabilities Can’t Feel Their Legs – I’m here to let you know this is NOT true. Actually, this depends on the disability. Those who have SCIs (Spinal Cord Injuries) may be paralyzed and are incapable of feeling a touch to their legs, arms, or other parts of their body. There are also other diseases that can paralyze certain parts of the body. However, there are many other disabilities that do not affect tactile stimulation. I happen to have one of them.

Believe me…if I slam my toe into the wall…I feel it! I can feel any touch to me on any part of my body. I’m not exactly sure why people have this misconception. I’m assuming it’s due to the fact that understanding of SCIs seems to be more prominent in the general public then understanding of many other disorders and diseases.

3. If you have a Physical Disability you are also Learning/Mental/Emotionally Disabled – In many cases, this is not true. Yes, some people with physical disabilities also have cognitive and other disabilities, as well. However, you shouldn’t make assumptions about someone in a wheelchair based on the chair alone.

I graduated near the top of my high school class with a 3.9 GPA. I was always in honor classes. I did well in college. I’ll never forget when a relative asked my grandfather (when she heard I had SMA) if I could walk or talk. His response was that I could walk (at that time I could) and talk better than she could! It was priceless. She truly didn’t know what to say. So, don’t just assume. If you want to know…ask!

4. People in Wheelchairs have no Hope of Getting a Job – This myth was in large part perpetuated by Jerry Lewis. He had mentioned how his ‘kids’ had no hope of growing up and maintaining employment, something that is 100% untrue. Of course, these rumors spread.

Yes, some people with disabilities are unable to find employment (just like those who can walk, these days). That being said, many folks in wheelchairs have attended college. They have Bachelor’s degrees, Masters, and PhDs. I know lawyers, teachers, business owners, biologists, computer specialists, and the list goes on. Most of my friends in wheelchairs have forms of Muscular Dystrophy, SCIs, or CP. There is no limit on what someone in a wheelchair is capable of achieving.

5. People in Wheelchairs want to be Inspirations – I don’t believe this is true, in many cases. I know that I don’t want to be an inspiration just for getting out of bed each day. When a person in a wheelchair does something that everyone else in the world does (like taking a shower) then that doesn’t make them inspiring. We’re no heroes. We’re just average individuals who have a different way of getting up than you do.

Yes, there are some people in wheelchairs who are doing great things (think Stephen Hawking – but he was destined to do great things disability or not), and they should be admired. Just don’t admire them because of their disability. Admire them for their accomplishments. In general, don’t admire us because we’re living our lives. We’re really not all that different from you!

Technorati Tags: list post, physical disabilities, misconceptions, wheelchairs, sex

For example, GLBT folks I’ve hung around with have disregarded their friends with disabilities by leaving them behind when going to the club or having a party at someone’s non-accessible house. In my own experience, I’ve had friends who have carried me, wheelchair and all, up a flight of steps. Then I’ve had other friends leave me behind because it was too much of a hassle to take me along. I understand that being in a wheelchair creates additional challenges when “going out with a group” but it still hurts when you’re the only one in the group left behind. I’ve also seen GLBT folks talk down to people in wheelchairs or with other disabilities. It’s easy to underestimate the guy in the wheelchair.

I’ve met many a disabled person who has turned to God as their answer to getting through the rough times they associate with having a disability. I don’t mind. Believe what you believe. What I do mind is these same folks judging other minority groups because Christianity says the group is bad. C’mon folks with disabilities! Next to GLBT folks, our group is still the most discriminated against.

Adoption agencies deny both GLBT peeps and those with disabilities, who seek to adopt children. Both groups face excessive discrimination. Both have no protections in the workplace. The only difference is disabled people can get married (but how many hear the “you make a great friend but aren’t boyfriend/girlfriend husband/wife material” from others, especially those not disabled?), as long as they aren’t ‘gay’, as well. Not much is different. Discrimination is discrimination, regardless of who it is directed at or why.

So, that brings me to the point of this article. Judge David Young, the latest television judge to have his own show, is a homosexual. That’s no big secret. I’d imagine he’s been discriminated against more than once in his life. I don’t care that he’s a homosexual, though I’m sure some people do. That really has little to do with the point of this article. What I’m really concerned about is how David Young, a minority in and of himself, can ask such blatantly hateful and discriminatory questions on his show. It’s just like he’s trying to feed the bigots and queen-ish or not, our society doesn’t need it.

A few days ago, Ashtyn (who has this odd obsession with Judge shows) was watching the normal lineup. I’m telling you, there is an entire block of judge shows that run from 8 or 9 am to 5 pm. Then you can switch channels to watch the 6-9 PM block. Finally, after all the nightly, Primetime shows, and the 11 o’clock news ends, Judge Judy and Judge Joe Brown have even more shows. Judge show junkies dig the lineup. Judge show haters, like myself, go bonkers with so many judge show options throughout the entire day…and night.

One of Ashtyn’s least favorite judges is Judge David Young. Not exactly sure why she doesn’t like him, but I think it has to do with his trashy topics and/or guests. He’s essentially the Jenny Jones to Judge Judy’s Montel Williams. His cases aren’t what you’d expect from the average court room and she doesn’t find him overly funny, at all. So, while waiting impatiently for the next Judge, one of her favorites, Judge Joe Brown, to come on television, she just happened to have this drivel on.

For fans of judge shows, you probably already know the formula. There are cases and then, in between the cases, there are opinion poll questions that viewers can call in to cast their vote. This has become quite standard. Most of the questions are “judge-show related”, like “If your neighbors lost their house, would you let them move into yours for a while?”

For most people, the answer to that would be no. For me, it is. I barely know my neighbors, so no thanks! You could see this happening though, for close neighbors who are friendly with one another. This scenario is just a judge show waiting to happen, which is exactly why it was asked. This was, by the way, a real question on a judge show, but not on Judge David Young’s. Judge David’s show is more controversial, so that means his questions are controversial. On this particular day, I couldn’t believe the question. How could a gay man, discriminated against by many in this nation, ask such a hateful and jerkified question?

If you happened to be watching that day, you could call in and answer the question, “Are People with Physical Disabilities capable of being Good Parents?”

Note the question specifically asks about PHYSICAL disabilities. This means folks that can’t walk and/or stand (or maybe they just have a limp but no other problems) who have full control of their mental facilities and functioning. We’re talking the people who are often very smart and capable in many aspects of their life, excluding the ones dealing with getting around, physically.

When Ash sent me this question over IM (as not to shout at me from the living room) at first, I was appalled. Who would ask such a question or make such an assumption? I knew nothing about Judge David Young. I didn’t even knew he had a show. When I heard he was gay, I was more furious than before. How could a minority in any form, ask such a derogatory, discriminatory question? Seriously, why even QUESTION this?

I wonder if he’d put, “Are People that are Gay capable of being Good Parents?” on his show. I’m guessing probably not because it’s discriminatory and hateful. The mere question, brings up hateful and discriminatory thoughts, because it brings another question to the table, “Well, is it true?” Whether he agrees with the initial question about people with disabilities or not, is should never have been asked.

This is just another example of minority group hate on hate. If a minority group can discriminate against another minority group then what do you think the majority is going to do? We bemoan about how we’re discriminated and then we go and do the same thing to another group. It’s like this guy I went to camp with and college, for years. He moans about how pathetic his life is and how no girl will ever give him a chance because he’s in a wheelchair, yet he had the nerve to tell me I was sick, a loser, and pathetic because I’m transgendered. I was nice enough not to rub in the fact that I have a girlfriend (an AB one at that), despite being transgendered and in a wheelchair, because I don’t believe in perpetuating hate and discrimination. Fighting like this only separates minority groups even more.

All minority groups would benefit by teaming up and trying to defeat discrimination together. We all have at least two things in common regardless of our minority status. We’re discriminated against by the majority and we know what it is like to be treated like we’re different. In the minority, we need to work together to fight the majority and start educating them about people who are different. We don’t need to discriminate against one another. If we can’t even work together then we can’t work apart. We’re fighting a losing battle.

So, you may not get why I found Judge David Young’s question to be so discriminatory. Let me explain for those who don’t get it. NOTHING, but your ability to love and take care of a child, physically (monetarily), emotionally and mentally can determine whether you are a good parent or not. If you have the best interest of your child at heart and the means to raise them your ability or lack thereof, to move physically, whether you are gay, transgendered, male, female, black, while, straight, or a part of any religion or cultural group should have NO bearing on your ability to parent.

There is help out there for parents who can’t always lift their child on their own, and devices have been created to make parenting with a physical disability easier. It isn’t impossible. In fact, it’s incredibly rewarding, and your child grows up being more compassionate and understanding in 9 out of 10 cases. I know MANY disabled parents, including myself, and all of us are BEYOND capable of doing our job as parents. I know able bodied (AB) parents who aren’t as good at parenting as some of the folks I know in wheelchairs who parent.

By the same token, some of the wheelers I know should never be given the chance to breed/adopt a child. Just like ABs and GLBT individuals, not all disabled people WILL make good parents. Heck, I know plenty of people from all walks of life who should refrain from breeding. We don’t need more stupid, poorly raised children in the world. It’s more the individual who dictates their ability to parent, not their ability to walk, stand or move their arms. It’s a stupid and inappropriate question that’s just going to breed more hate and lack of understanding.

For a gay man, you think Judge David Young would have more tact, but evidently he enjoys being tasteless.

So, what do you think of Judge David’s question? Is he as big an ass as I believe he is or is he justified in asking if those of us in wheelchairs know how to parent?

Technorati Tags: Physical Disability, parenting, Judge David Young, GLBT, discrimination, parents, children, breed, disabled, wheelchair

This is an expanded version of what I told Barbara.

Dear Barbara Walters,

After watching part of your interview with the self-proclaimed “pregnant man” Thomas Beatie, I felt compelled to write you. While I am a firm believer in making your own destiny and finding your own happiness, I cannot sit back and watch this man make a mockery of the transgendered community. I cannot sit back and watch him exploit his children for money. I cannot sit back while my transgendered friends and myself have to endure ridicule and face misunderstanding because the general populace is lumping all transgendered people together with him.

I am 27 years old. I came out at age 16, thinking I had to be gay. Though the word lesbian didn’t seem to fit me, it’s the only word I knew to explain my attraction to girls. At age 22, I watched a documentary that changed my life, Southern Comfort. This was a documentary about a transgendered man named Robert, who died of cancer because the hospitals wouldn’t treat a transgendered man. For the first time, I had a word to describe all of those feelings I’d felt for so many years. I realized I was transgendered. For the first time, I felt complete and at peace.

It was then that I took the name Dominick. It was a name I’d used online for a year or so and it meant something to me (I’m pretty sure I used it in a past life). I sat down with my girlfriend, Ashtyn and explained I was transgendered. Coming out to her and finding her unwaveringly supportive meant the world to me. This moment, discovering I was transgendered, changed my life for the better.

You see, Barbara, I’m not just transgendered. I’m in a wheelchair. Being disabled masked many of my feelings about my gender, until I was old enough to comprehend them. Looking back, I can see signs of my desire to be a boy (male) dating back to my early childhood. Even as a baby, people always said I was the most beautiful baby boy they’d ever seen…much to the chagrin of my mother.

I’ve been in a wheelchair full time since I was 16. I have a muscle disease, Spinal Muscular Atrophy. Ten days before my 16th birthday, I had Spinal Fusion surgery and almost died. It saved my life, but since then, I’ve been incapable of walking. Now, I can no longer stand either. Nevertheless, I’m a fighter and I fought to survive only to come out a few months later, facing more adversity, especially at the hands of my dysfunctional family.

That’s not all though Barbara. I was raised in a dysfunctional, abusive household. My family had major problems and my parents, mostly my mother, did unthinkable things to me that I’d not wish on my worst enemy. At one point, these problems and the abuse, which escalated after I came out, made me consider suicide. At one point, I thought I’d never be able to escape or get out, but I had to bide my time and eventually, I did escape. I did save my own life. I finally found happiness and I did all of it with only the help of my beautiful girlfriend, Ashtyn.

Today, I live in Michigan with Ashtyn, her mom, and our 14 year old, autistic son. We don’t have the best house. I’ve had to face a lot of adversity when trying to find adaptive equipment to help me become more independent, but I do make enough to work from home, for myself and enjoy what I do as a blogger, reviewer, and critic. I’m on my way to living the American dream. Though there is more to my story, this is the condensed version.

So, why am I writing this Barbara? I’m sure you’re wondering what my point is. I’m writing this because I want to make it clear that not all transgendered people are doing things for negative reasons. Many of us are just trying to survive. Many of us have exceptional stories to tell. We have survived adversity. Many of us have parents, siblings, and extended family who won’t talk to us or respect our transition. Transgendered people don’t all want to seek the kind of attention Thomas Beatie seeks. We just want to be accepted. We want to be treated the same way as all other human beings…with dignity, respect and humility. We just want to live fair, equal, loving lives without worrying if our children are legally protected or if our marriage is legal in the eyes of the law.

So PLEASE, Barbara, can you try focusing on all the positive things transgendered people are doing? Can you focus on those of us who have fought to be who we are without wanting to make money off of it, or exploit our lives? I know that there is always room for diversity, so why not balance out the negativity of Thomas’ story with the positive spin on the life of someone like me, who has truly fought to be who they are and doesn’t want anything but equal treatment and compassion for who I have become.

Thank you for reading this.

Dominick Matthaios Antony Evans

P.S. To all my readers, I’ll have more on this topic a little later this week.

Technorati Tags: Dominick Evans, Barbara Walters, Dominick Evans, letter, Thomas Beatie, pregnant man, male pregnancy

I know many people get depressed about being in a wheelchair, but I’m not one of them. I mean, sure it sucks, but its like my late father, David Lawniczak used to say. There is no use in crying over spilt milk. I guess I can see how being in a wheelchair can be depressive to some people and frustrating when you want to move, but can’t do it without help. Still this is one of the few things I’ve actually accepted about my life. So, it’s one of the few things I don’t complain about.

What I do complain about is pain. I hate pain. I am pretty sure most people with SMA experience pain a lot different than the average person. I can just bump into something and have it feel like I’m being stabbed. I admit it. I’m a baby about it. Well, pain is why I’m writing this blog. If there is just ONE thing that I could mention that sucks about being in a wheelchair it is experiencing pain.

I’m on a regular regime of pain medication. Tylenol 4 with codeine is my friend. It takes away the pain in my back and my legs most of the time, but rarely touches pain in my hip. If I could trade being in a wheelchair forever for not having pain ever, I’d stay in the wheelchair. It’s not so bad if there is no pain, but when it hurts I just want to cry.

Do you know that the only time I cry is when I’m in pain? It’s true. I’m not the emotional type, but slam my foot into a wall and I’ll cry like a baby. I’m so sick of pain I’m considering utilizing the new law for medicinal marijuana in my state.

Marijuana isn’t physically addictive. I don’t have an addictive personality so I’m not likely to become chemically addicted and I’m managing to take highly addictive, chemically manufactured pain pills (with no dependency). My thought is that weed is natural and Tylenol is not. Natural pain relief seems better than manufactured or none at all.

So, I guess what became a rant about being in pain (my legs have been hurting lately and man the pain sucks!) is turning into a blog question for all you blog readers out there.

Do you think I should try and get medicinal marijuana so I can better function with less pain? Do you think that medical marijuana should be legalized everywhere? What’s your opinion on the whole debate?

I look forward to your responses.

Technorati Tags: wheelchair, blogger, medical marijuana, mary jane, drugs, pain relief, tylenol 4, codeine, Spinal Muscular Atrophy

In Arkansas, all unmarried couples (especially GLBT couples) were henceforth banned from adopting children or becoming foster parents. With over 3% of the millions of foster children in the United States living in same sex households, you have to imagine some kids just lost what they believed might become their forever homes.

In the saddest, and most depressing loss of the night, California passed Proposition 8. This is the first time in history, a group of people have had a right given to them by the courts only to have it taken away. If anything is truly unconstitutional, it’s this, because this is the first time people have truly lost a right they once retained. First, we all need to agree that marriage truly is a right. I’ll get into why I believe it is a right a little later in this post.

Many people think that the courts have no right determining what is unconstitutional and what isn’t, but that is exactly why the courts are there. The judicial branch of the government was established because certain minority groups would be denied certain rights by the majority. The minority had to have some protection. In years past, we’ve seen many minority groups be served up similar “unconstitutional” bans on freedom, life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. The only protection these groups had was through the judicial system who overturned such unconstitutional laws and made it so these groups were given the same rights.

The best example of this has to be the issue of bi-racial marriage. Virginia constitutionally banned bi-racial marriage in 1661. It was a punishable offense back then. Oddly enough, those who passed this law into effect believed it was “God’s Will” and that they were denying bi-racial couples the right to marry because they believed it was against what God wanted. This sounds erriely familiar doesn’t it? Oh yes! This is the same argument now being used to deny GLBT individuals the right to marry.

In 1967, it was the Supreme Court who deemed this law to be unconstitutional. Had the people been given the right to vote on the issue, it most likely would not have passed. Thanks to Loving vs. The Commonwealth of Virginia, the Supreme Court was able to decriminalize the right to marry who you wanted regardless of race. It was through the courts that the minority was protected, not through states voting on the issue.

This is because the majority vastly outweighed the majority and would most likely not have had the minority’s interests at heart. So, why is the majority able to squelch the rights of the GLBT minority group? It’s because the people seem to want more say in government and more say in what they believe is right…not what truly is right.

You should check out my post on answering all of the arguments against gay marriage. It explains how all of the arguments against it have no validity or reasoning behind them. That being said, I should now explain why I believe marriage is a right and not a religious institution. Marriage has become a religious institution though it doesn’t have to be. In fact, by law, it has nothing to do with religion.

Marriage is a right, civil liberty or whatever else you want to call it because those who marry get government benefits. Marriage is, in its purest form, a legal binding of two individuals. Religion has nothing to do with legal matters or the courts. In fact, marriage is one of the most heavily rewarded, legally binding contracts. There are over 1400 benefits (both state and federal) afforded to married couples. When a state, nation, or community denies a GLBT couple the right to marry, the couple is being denied 1400 benefits. This isn’t just one or two. No, it’s nearly 2000 benefits. That is the disgusting reality and part of what makes these bans unconstitutional.

The 9th amendment also makes this unconstitutional. Basically, this amendment, which is in the Bill of Rights, acknowledges that there are rights not specifically in the constitution (such as the right to marry) and it guarantees protection to these rights, especially against any other amendments that are placed in said constitution. Essentially, by putting a constitutional amendment in the constitution, which bans GLBT individuals from marrying, the ninth amendment is being squelched. It’s not being upheld.

In conclusion, we have a long way to go until this country will be just and fair to GLBT individuals. I was proud to make history by helping to elect Barack Obama as my next president, but that excitement couldn’t help but be marred by the several steps taken back that limit the rights of GLBT individuals thanks to votes by people who don’t even understand what being GLBT is.

Technorati Tags: GLBT rights, gay rights, gay marriage, unconstitutional, steps back, constitutional amendment, protections, deny, courts

The group of people at the live blog event were amazing folks. I’m truly glad I had the chance to meet them. We celebrated Obama’s victory, listened to McCain speak, and heard Obama’s message of hope and change, together. I had never thought I could feel so speechless concerning a presidential victory, but the election of Obama was surreal. I was not initially for Obama (Clinton supporter here), but I came to respect him and feel like I’ve been a part of something big. I’ve been a part of a historic event that my children’s children can only imagine as they read about this momentous victory in the history books.

This is what I shared with this group, and afterward, I was posed with a question by Keith. It was more of a challenge, and I’m taking it head on.

Keith asked some of us who were at the live blogging event to, ‘write on why we should look at life as one, rather than life as fragments scattered across the universe.‘

That’s what Obama spoke of when he mentioned people of all colors, all abilities, differing sexual orientations and his speech truly was all inclusive. As a transgendered man in a wheelchair, I’ve never felt so included in a political speech. I’ve never felt like a politician was truly talking to me, truly reaching out to me to ask for my assistance in building a new and better world.

So, to Keith and everyone out there, I would like to say that unity is the key to true equality and freedom. Unity is the key to building a better world. In our lives, we have so many labels. They label us by gender and biological sex. They label us by color. They label us by who we fall in love with, our religion, our political affiliation, our economic status, our ethnicity, our age, our experience, and everything else you can think of. We all have to fit in “neat little classification boxes” that describe who we are and what our assumed purpose is in life.

Well I’m here to tell you, my boxes may describe me, but they don’t define me. You can say, I’m a man with Spinal Muscular Atrophy in a wheelchair, but that chair doesn’t make me who I am. I’m white, but my skin color doesn’t dictate how I act. I’m transgendered, but that doesn’t determine who I talk to or incorporate with on a daily basis. All of these things may make me different on the outside, but inside, my heart beats, my lungs breathe, my blood flows, just like all of you.

Now is the time to remove ourselves from our collective boxes. Now is the time to stand up and label ourselves in only one way…American. We are all Americans. We are all hoping for some change and we have to be the ones to look past those blurring lines, created by those boxes to build a better nation. Let us join hands together in this endeavor…black and white, poor and rich, Christian, Jewish, Polytheist, Muslim, Atheist or otherwise, gay or straight, man, woman, or transgendered, from any ethnic background and with any ability or lack thereof.

We have the opportunity to join our President Elect in making a better world. Everyone deserves equal treatment. Everyone deserves a fair shake. By oppressing groups, we’re distracting ourselves from upward progress as a nation. We need to look past it all to the real problems and the real issues.

I don’t know about you but I think we should focus on getting our troops out of the war in Iraq as opposed to worrying about a man loving and wishing to marry another man. We need to worry about sending our children to better schools as opposed to worrying about upholding income limits in order to keep Healthcare for those in wheelchairs. We need to worry about getting the economy in a stable, easier to live in state, as opposed to worrying about taking foster children away from GLBT parents who love them. We need to make sure children and those in need are insured medically, as opposed to caring if a man has taken the steps to become a woman legally.

Our priorities need to be in the right place. We need to be as one. Otherwise, we could lose our country and our very livelihood. People living in their own little universe only care about what happens to them and not to anyone else. Their beliefs trump the lives of others and they don’t care who they hurt or how. This has got to end. Otherwise, we will never restore the United States back to the prestige and glory it deserves as one of the best nations in the world.

Change is on the horizon and only we can see it through…together…as one.

Technorati Tags: unity, Barack Obama, together, change, belief, true issues, politics, president elect, election, Yes but No but Yes, challenge

Like most little kids back then, I had a Cabbage Patch Kid. We held a contest on our website, LI Kids, offering Cabbage Patch Kids for their 25th anniversary. I can’t tell you how many people left a comment about how their sons, grandsons or brothers had Cabbage Patch Kids. I didn’t know they were so popular with boys. One thing I also learned from this contest was that Xavier Roberts, the creator of the Cabbage Patch Kids, doesn’t like them being called dolls. They aren’t dolls, they’re kids. In fact, they were originally called Little People. Perhaps he thought they’d appeal to all kids regardless of gender whereas most boys don’t like to play with what they perceive to be dolls.

Another popular option when I was a kid, though I was a little too old for this, was the My Buddy doll. My younger cousin had a My Buddy. These dolls were specifically designed for boys. They were advertised as being rough and tumble dolls who could go anywhere little boys went. I always thought My Buddy was a little silly, but always took my Cabbage Patch Doll, Daniel, wherever I went. Perhaps it was My Buddy’s funny design? Whatever it was, I know many little boys who had My Buddy Dolls and it was quite acceptable to have one in the 80s.

Nowadays, some parents scoff at the idea of their male child playing with dolls. What a silly notion. Why would a boy want to play with dolls? Our culture has ingrained these children with gender-specific thoughts. I’ve heard both my son and my nephew say things like “Ew, dolls! Those are girl toys!”

Since the time toys such as dolls were invented, they have normally been perceived as girl toys, but what about the little boys who do want Barbies? What about the little boys who do want to play with little dollies? Could this be part of why men have become so disenchanted with caring for their own children, because a doll is almost like a pretend child. I know many men who leave all the “child-rearing” to their wives. That’s women’s work after all, isn’t it?

Regardless of whether a boy wants to play with a doll or not, those boys who do play with dolls should never be teased about it. My 13 year old son who has a form of autism, has a bigger Care Bear collection than any kid I’ve ever met. Most kids his age are far past the Care Bear collecting phase. He could seriously get teased unmercifully if kids found out he had such a collection. Why? What is the point in denigrating a child if they find comfort in such things?

Care Bears make my son happy. Why should I deny him such a simple pleasure and worse yet, why should the outside world have an opinion in what he owns or not?

I think this all comes down to the idea of gender? Can anyone give me a definitive definition of gender? The world has been designed as though there are two genders; male and female, but it isn’t as cut and dry as that. Gender isn’t black or white. There are gray areas. Gender can be fluid. A little boy may want to play with a doll, but might also want a truck, too. Every person is different and every person’s gender is different.

That’s why some girls are what we like to call “more girly” while others are tomboys. Gender isn’t static so why apply these rules to children, whose minds are being molded and shaped in these early stages, by forcing them to maintain a gender role that might not even suit them?

What’s your thought on boys playing with dolls? Would you let your son play with a doll if he really wanted to? Also, why do you believe that boys playing with dolls has become somewhat taboo in the last 20 years?

Technorati Tags: My Buddy, Cabbage Patch Kids, boys, dolls, gender, gender specific, kids, toys

The problem is, many people see no point in voting. They have this entire idea that their vote doesn’t count or matter. Typically (as it should be), the electoral college votes for who they believe those in their state will vote for, and that is why most of the time, the popular vote and the electoral vote are the same. Only on rare occasions, or cheating elections, has the electoral college voted otherwise. For example, Al Gore was denied his right to the presidency, despite winning the popular vote. That usually doesn’t happen in elections.

I understand the voting process isn’t perfect. I feel it when people believe their vote is so small that it doesn’t count, but save for the presidency, all other offices are decided by the people. The presidency is decided through the electoral college based off the popular vote, so all of those people that decide not to vote have little say in what the electoral college does.

So, in truth, you do have a say. You need to exercise your right to vote on November 4, 2008. It doesn’t matter who you vote for (it does, but I’m not saying you have to agree with my choice to vote), just make sure you vote for someone!

Technorati Tags: Get Out, Vote, Go vote, election, president, 2008, Nov 4, election day, electoral college