After the sensationalistic, media circus surrounding Thomas Beatie and his 20/20 interview, which revealed he’s pregnant again, I felt compelled to write Barbara Walters a letter. While this is not the formal letter I sent to her (though I mention many of the same things I wrote to her, in this letter), this sums up all of the thoughts I have about Thomas Beatie and his pregnancy, while discussing how he is exploiting not only the transgendered community, but also his children and his pregnancies.

This is an expanded version of what I told Barbara.

Dear Barbara Walters,

After watching part of your interview with the self-proclaimed “pregnant man” Thomas Beatie, I felt compelled to write you. While I am a firm believer in making your own destiny and finding your own happiness, I cannot sit back and watch this man make a mockery of the transgendered community. I cannot sit back and watch him exploit his children for money. I cannot sit back while my transgendered friends and myself have to endure ridicule and face misunderstanding because the general populace is lumping all transgendered people together with him.

I am 27 years old. I came out at age 16, thinking I had to be gay. Though the word lesbian didn’t seem to fit me, it’s the only word I knew to explain my attraction to girls. At age 22, I watched a documentary that changed my life, Southern Comfort. This was a documentary about a transgendered man named Robert, who died of cancer because the hospitals wouldn’t treat a transgendered man. For the first time, I had a word to describe all of those feelings I’d felt for so many years. I realized I was transgendered. For the first time, I felt complete and at peace.

It was then that I took the name Dominick. It was a name I’d used online for a year or so and it meant something to me (I’m pretty sure I used it in a past life). I sat down with my girlfriend, Ashtyn and explained I was transgendered. Coming out to her and finding her unwaveringly supportive meant the world to me. This moment, discovering I was transgendered, changed my life for the better.

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So, first Thomas Beatie had to go and have one child and now he’s having another. The issue I have with this is the backlash this is going to have on the transgendered community. Let me go back a bit, to explain this to those who might not know who Thomas Beatie is and why he has the ability to affect an entire community of individuals.

Thomas Beatie is someone who has taken the steps to legally change their name, physiological body characteristics and nearly everything but their female reproductive organs and vagina to reflect the fact that this person is, in their words, male. Thomas Beattie is said to be transgendered, identifying as male. Essentially, Thomas Beatie is supposed to be just like me (born bio female, but taking/took steps to legally become and live as male). However, Thomas Beatie isn’t like me. Thomas Beatie has reversed the “becoming a male” process, in order to utilize his female reproductive organs and have not one, but two children.

I know this sounds confusing because it is. It’s confusing to many of us who are transgendered, too. First, let me explain that some people believe they are between genders. Some people don’t believe in the gender binary system. These people aren’t trying to make a spectacle, nor are they claiming to be something they aren’t. That’s one of the reasons why I have such a problem with Thomas Beatie. If he wants to look like a guy, with a beard, but still have kids, that’s fine, but don’t say you’re a male, because men don’t have kids through their own bodies. They just don’t. Those of us who are FTM (and identify as either transgendered or male) and are legally becoming male nearly all agree on this point. Many of us also agree that Thomas Beatie has the potential to do IRREPARABLE harm to our community and the potential for acceptance and equality.

See, this is what it boils down to. People are entitled to be happy and live their lives the way they see fit and/or be who they are as long as that doesn’t affect others negatively. The transgendered community has long made strides towards acceptance and equality. Slowly but surely, we’ve been getting there. People have been learning to accept us. It’s a slow and grueling, painstaking process. People are able to get the concept of what being transgendered is and means, but Thomas Beatie has bounced back and forth between the process, to the point where the average person simply cannot comprehend who or what he/she is.

I don’t have to tell you that acceptance is the first step and equality comes thereafter. Without acceptance there can be no equality. I want to be treated equally. I want the same equal rights and protections as other Americans, but the possibility of such equality and such protections is tipping in the balance thanks to Beatie and his confusing decisions. I don’t want this to tip in the wrong direction, because that truly means we’re taking strides back…not forward.

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This month, we elected the first non-Caucasian president in the history of the United States. On the same night, four different states passed laws against GLBT individuals. In Arizona and Florida, those states defined marriage as being between one man and one woman thus banning GLBT individuals from being able to exercise the right to marry.

In Arkansas, all unmarried couples (especially GLBT couples) were henceforth banned from adopting children or becoming foster parents. With over 3% of the millions of foster children in the United States living in same sex households, you have to imagine some kids just lost what they believed might become their forever homes.

In the saddest, and most depressing loss of the night, California passed Proposition 8. This is the first time in history, a group of people have had a right given to them by the courts only to have it taken away. If anything is truly unconstitutional, it’s this, because this is the first time people have truly lost a right they once retained. First, we all need to agree that marriage truly is a right. I’ll get into why I believe it is a right a little later in this post.

Many people think that the courts have no right determining what is unconstitutional and what isn’t, but that is exactly why the courts are there. The judicial branch of the government was established because certain minority groups would be denied certain rights by the majority. The minority had to have some protection. In years past, we’ve seen many minority groups be served up similar “unconstitutional” bans on freedom, life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. The only protection these groups had was through the judicial system who overturned such unconstitutional laws and made it so these groups were given the same rights.

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I don’t talk very often about my family, merely because there really isn’t a point. My dad died in 2001, and sometimes I feel like he’s the only one who ever truly accepted me. Sure, he was not without his faults, but he was a guy I could go out “babe watching” with and who enjoyed going to sports games with me even if we had to sit in the disability seating section. The majority of the rest of my family does not talk to me. I only really talk to my grandparents and the occasional cousin, and some of it is at my very own choosing. The reason for not talking to my family is a long, complex story that really doesn’t have much to do with why I’m posting this blog today. This blog is more about my grandmother.

I haven’t really spoken to my grandparents since last Christmas. After an interesting episode that occurred last year in which another family member interrupted a phone call with my grandfather, I’d been skittish about calling them anyway, but my reasoning for not calling them now is for their benefit. You see, my grandfather is 90. My grandmother is 86. They’re old fashioned and nothing I could say or do could ever get them to understand that I was born with a male brain in a female body. I accept the fact that they can and never will accept this, but I’m not the person they claim I am. I don’t want that vision of me deluded for them. They are way too old to handle living without the delusion that I’m not their little granddaughter and I haven’t the heart or the will to change their mind.

For starters, as I mentioned before, they are old. They don’t want to see me any other way. While my grandfather has said he’ll love me no matter what, and I truly believe he believes this and in his own mind he does love me, he is unable to see me as Dominick. He hasn’t seen me physically since 2002. I look like a totally different person. I don’t look like the person he remembers, but I know he’s living with that vision of the old me in his mind.

Secondly, my grandmother has some form of dementia and has for years. I don’t know about you but “coming out” to Grandma every few days is not fun. Every time I told her the truth about me, she would have a different reaction. One time, she was totally accepting. One time she was blasé (it’s my life right?), one time she ignored it. Another time, she started bawling her eyes out and yelling at me, “Why? This can’t be right!” It was physically draining and I’m imagining the emotional rollercoaster wasn’t good for her either, so I stopped trying to explain to her anything a few years ago.

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I have a question for people about transgenderism. I’m just looking for a general consensus. If you vote, I’d really appreciate if you’d leave a comment explaining why you voted one way or the other.

What do you Think is More Wrong?

• Neither are Wrong (82%, 9 Votes)
• Both are Equally as Wrong (9%, 1 Votes)
• What was the Question? (9%, 1 Votes)
• A Man Transitioning to Become a Woman (0%, 0 Votes)
• A Woman Transitioning to Become a Man (0%, 0 Votes)

Total Voters: 11

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When I was a child of 10, I gave my first speech. Back then, I had a speech writer, but eventually, I knew exactly what to say and how to get my message across. I don’t know why, but one of the few skills I’ve been given is the ability to talk and share myself and my thoughts with the world. Whether writing, speaking or otherwise, I know that I have strong opinions and strong motivations for things that I believe in strongly.

I want to get back into public speaking. I feel I have a story to tell. I have plenty of experience in the following categories:

-disability
-inspiration
-the arts
-comedy
-GLBT issues/issues of gender identity
-overcoming abuse
-overcoming obstacles in general
-non-traditional religion

I’m not sure where exactly to start. Travel seems like it will be an issue for the time being, unless I have paid travel. It would be worth it though, to get some local experience and re-build up a portfolio.

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So, I’ve received emails and comments from people in the BIID community defending themselves. That’s fine. Seriously, I expected this to happen. What I didn’t expect was the following things:

1. Nearly every person in the BIID community that has contacted me has resorted to name calling and trying to anger me by saying things to try and hurt me

2. The BIID community keeps saying that I’m trying to present my view as fact

First, let me say that I don’t really care what any of you think. I know who I am and I am happy. Calling me “Dominica” and “she” and “bitch” just makes me laugh. Why would I really care what you think of me? I don’t even know you people. Sticks and stones and all. Furthermore, using that as your argument really shows that you have no other way of defending yourself. You try to point out others shortcomings or what you deem as shortcomings to try and win an argument. All that does is make you look bad.

Secondly, I listed the article as “My Perspective”. Since when does My Perspective mean, “The facts according to Dominick?” I don’t pretend to know all the facts nor present MY opinions as facts. It is what I believe based on knowing someone with BIID personally, based on what I’ve read of those with BIID (from their own experiences) and based on the minimal amount of documented research by psychological professionals, on the topic.

To make things more simple (and this is the last time I plan to write a blog about this unless some “massive research” comes to light on this topic or unless BIID sufferers try to pass some sort of bill legitimizing their right to the services so scarce to the physically disabled), my biggest problems with BIID are this:

#1. People with BIID seem to have it in their minds that their only treatment option is hacking off a limb, paralysis or making themselves disabled in some way. This is what they’ve said in their own posts. “The only cure is to become disabled.” That’s their words not mine.

My thought is that (and science will back this up) if a person has it so ingrained in their mind that there is only one solution, they shut down their mind to the possibility of other solutions. Sure, medication and behavioral therapy won’t work if you firmly believe in your mind the only solution is to become disabled. That is what I meant by saying that many BIID sufferers do not try to get better, because they accept only one possible “treatment” option and I use the term treatment very loosely.

Note: Upon reading stories of people with BIID, I’ve come to a conclusion.

1. Many with BIID have admitted that they have:

A. Parents who were/are either alcoholics, drug addicts, and/or excessively overbearing
B. A time in their life when they were abused (sexually, physically and even psychologically)
C. Extended moments of isolation
D. A need to be noticed

While I know that anyone can be abused and have parents who are drunks and yet they can still be well adjusted, those with BIID that mention this admit they felt isolated from their parents, their psychologists, and that these incidents did affect them. With this in mind, couldn’t BIID be actually an attention seeking behavior? I wonder if those with BIID find becoming disabled a way to make themselves different or special, so they can receive attention and be noticed because they never got this from their parents? The excessive satisfaction those with BIID get from pretending seems to support the fact that a part of their immense pleasure comes from the attention/acknowledgment they receive.

It’s just a thought from my astute observation.

#2. There are some with BIID who (having disabled themselves) admit they get state benefits. These are state benefits geared towards the physically disabled. Do you know how hard it is for many of us to get and maintain these benefits? I do not think it is FAIR to a person born with a disability to be denied a wheelchair while someone with BIID is able to have the state purchase a chair for them. As a taxpayer, I don’t want to pay for someone who has BIID (or at least not physically disabled benefits). If a BIID sufferer gets benefits for the mentally disabled like therapy and what not, well I believe BIID is a mental illness, those benefits are fine.

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When I first wrote about Devotees, Pretenders and Wannabes on the Literary Illusions opinion site I was reacting on my first impulses and instincts. At the time, I was utterly disgusted by those who would lie about who they were in such a harmful way that they desired to become disabled. The life of a person with a disability seemed glamorous to them.

That’s pretty offensive to someone who has a disability. Furthermore, I was highly disturbed by Devotees, Wannabes and Pretenders trying to compare themselves to the transgendered community. I’m both disabled and transgendered. I feel I have a unique perspective on the situation and how it feels to be compared to these incomprehensible human beings who think being disabled is the “cool” way to go.

Upon receiving a URL to a Newsweek article on the topic, I learned that doctors have a name for this. It’s called Body Integrity Identity Disorder (BIID). While those who say they suffer from BIID claim they are “transabled” there are a number of reasons why I feel they should not be compared to someone who is transgendered. To better understand this you have to understand what being transgendered is and means.

Transgendered people believe they were born in the wrong gender. It is a persistent feeling that won’t go away. Studies are showing that perhaps while in utero, the fetus is exposed to varying levels of hormones. For example, since I am FTM, it’s fairly likely that I was exposed to extra levels of testosterone making my brain form in a more masculine way. There are truly signs of transgenderism, especially from an early age. Looking back, I was constantly called a little boy by strangers who saw me as a baby and toddler. Even in the womb, the ob/gyn my mother saw was certain I would be born a boy, based on how I was carried and other factors. She’d been in the field for years and I was one of her biggest shocks when I was born biologically female.

Transgenderism is deemed a “mental disorder” by the DSM, something many people do not feel accurately describes being transgendered. For all intents and purposes, transgendered people are proud of who they are. They aren’t mentally deranged. In fact, to be given treatment for transgenderism, those who are transgendered must be deemed sane. They know who they are and what they’re supposed to be. There is no shame in that and there shouldn’t really be any flip flopping on the decision. At the present time, at least one doctor is trying to get the DSM to consider BIID a mental disorder comparable to transgenderism.

Why I don’t feel it is comparable deals in part with the shame those with BIID have. They know what they want is wrong. Even if they successfully amputate or paralyze themselves they are too ashamed to say how it happened. They know that what they did was wrong and they obviously have a skewed take on reality. This doesn’t mean they are insane or can’t interact with others. This just means they think hacking off body parts is okay. Transgendered individuals may not share who they are with everyone, but they know who they are inside. There is no question of whether transitioning (in all its forms) is right or wrong.

Transgendered transition isn’t hurting anyone. Taking hormones isn’t going to damage a body the way hacking a leg off with a saw is. Those with BIID seem more comparable to those who are cutters. Mutilation of the body by cutters relieves stress and makes the cutter feel whole. Those with BIID who have amputated their body parts or paralyzed themselves say this destruction of their body parts has made them feel whole. Transgendered people may surgically change their body, but I’ve not heard of an FTM hacking off a tit with a hacksaw to become whole. If they are, then they have mental problems beyond what they believe is transgenderism and they probably aren’t really trans at all. While transgendered individuals have plastic surgery, BIID sufferers mutilate themselves. That’s a major difference.

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For those who know me, I have been living as a man since 2002. That’s when I started going by Dominick and slowly started telling family and friends about my transition. Since then, I’ve felt my transition has moved at a snail’s pace. I had to wait for my leg (fractured tibia) to heal to get in to see a therapist. Then I had other health issues and a constantly broken down wheelchair to contend with, which just pushed the process back.

A few years ago, I had the first of two top surgeries. I must admit, compared to how top heavy I was, its hard to tell I have much left. I still feel self-conscious when out in public because, other than for a very small amount of chest, I pass magnificently well. This is pre-T, which means passing with T will ensure there won’t be any question of whether I am male or female.

That brings me to T or testosterone for those who do not understand the lingo. Getting on T has to be the hardest part of my transition. The process doesn’t have to be difficult for anyone, but it has been for me. First, I was seeing a therapist. That should be the first step every transgendered individual takes. The Harry Benjamin Standards of Care for those with Gender Dysphoria requires at least three months of therapy before you can be prescribed T.

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I’ve been singing since practically before I could talk. I started taking singing lessons at age 10. Since then, I’ve worked with an incredibly talented and diverse set of teachers. I constantly think about how I’ve let some of my singing training slip away. I’m not as disciplined as I once was and I know a large part of that is due to my transition.

One of the primary effects of testosterone is the lowering of the voice. I’m dying to get on testosterone not only because I want to be on it, but also because I want to be able to get my voice back into shape again. I really want to know how deep my voice will go. I’m hoping for a very nice, smooth tenor sound. I doubt it’d get deep enough to be bass or baritone, but then again you never know. My father had an incredibly deep voice, so I guess it’s just a crapshoot.

Right now, I feel like I’m the last member of New Edition. I hate constantly having to correct people who call me Ma’am over the phone (this is the one area where I simply cannot pass for male just yet). I usually just ignore them and try to get off the phone as fast as possible without having to bring up the issue. As much as this is an annoyance, I really care more about being able to sing again. I want to know what my voice is capable of and I want to start making music again.

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