So, I’ve received emails and comments from people in the BIID community defending themselves. That’s fine. Seriously, I expected this to happen. What I didn’t expect was the following things:
1. Nearly every person in the BIID community that has contacted me has resorted to name calling and trying to anger me by saying things to try and hurt me
2. The BIID community keeps saying that I’m trying to present my view as fact
First, let me say that I don’t really care what any of you think. I know who I am and I am happy. Calling me “Dominica” and “she” and “bitch” just makes me laugh. Why would I really care what you think of me? I don’t even know you. Sticks and stones and all. Furthermore, using that as your argument really shows that you have no other way of defending yourself. You try to point out others’ supposed shortcomings or what you deem as shortcomings to try and win an argument. All that does is make you look ignorant.
Secondly, I listed the article as “My Perspective”. Since when does My Perspective mean, “The facts according to Dominick?” I don’t pretend to know all the facts nor present MY opinions as facts. It is what I believe based on my personal experiences interacting with those with this disorder, based on what I’ve read of those with BIID (from their own experiences), and based on documented research by psychological professionals, on the topic.
To make things a bit simpler (and this is the last time I plan to write a blog about this unless some “massive research” comes to light on this topic or unless BIID sufferers try to pass some sort of bill legitimizing their right to the services so scarce to the physically disabled), my biggest problems with those with BIID are this:
#1. People with BIID seem to have it in their minds that their only treatment option is hacking off a limb, paralysis or making themselves disabled in some way. This is what they’ve said in their own posts. “The only cure is to become disabled.” That’s their words not mine.
My thought is that (and science will back this up) if a person has it so ingrained in their mind that there is only one solution, they shut down their mind to the possibility of other solutions. Sure, medication and behavioral therapy won’t work if you firmly believe in your mind the only solution is to become disabled. That is what I meant by saying that many BIID sufferers do not try to get better, because they accept only one possible “treatment” option and I use the term treatment very loosely.
Before you say, what if people said that to you as someone transgender I can attest to wanting and even trying to change. Multiple people with BIID have made it clear they do not want to change (their own words) unless that means becoming disabled physically. I spent many years hoping to change, going to therapy and praying to be different With absolutely no success, because you cannot change this. They have found a biological cause for being transgender, which makes living as the gender identity with which the individual identifies as the best option of treatment. In contrast, for BIID, it appears to alter the brain similar to other mental disorders. I truly believe BIID is an actual mental condition. I just don’t think physically disabling someone will truly help. In fact, multiple people who have done just that regret doing it.
I remember talking to someone, who told aobt heartbreaking story about how she got in a car accident on purpose hoping it would fix all her problems. Instead, it just created more problems. She greatly regretted it, and she cannot take it back. Having a disability was not at all what she expected. Her desire to become disabled was replaced with a huge level of depression, as she realized what she had truly done to herself.
#1. Many with BIID have personally admitted in my presence that they have:
A. Parents who were/are either alcoholics, drug addicts, and/or excessively overbearing
B. A time in their life when they were abused (sexually, physically and even psychologically)
C. Extended moments of isolation
D. A need to be noticed
While I know that anyone can be abused and have parents who are drunks and yet they can still be well adjusted, those with BIID that mention this admit they felt isolated from their parents, their psychologists, and that these incidents did affect them. With this in mind, couldn’t BIID be linked to an attention seeking behavior? I wonder if those with BIID find becoming disabled a way they believe would make themselves different or special, so they can receive attention and be noticed because they never got this from their parents? The excessive satisfaction those with BIID get from pretending seems to support the fact that a part of their immense pleasure comes from the attention/acknowledgment they receive.
It’s just a thought from my astute observation.
#2. There are some with BIID who (having disabled themselves) admit they get state benefits. These are state benefits geared towards the physically disabled. Do you know how hard it is for many of us to get and maintain these benefits? I do not think it is FAIR to a person born with a disability to be denied a wheelchair while someone with BIID is able to have the state purchase a chair for them. As a taxpayer, I don’t want to pay for someone who has BIID (or at least not physically disabled benefits). If a BIID sufferer gets benefits for a mental disability like therapy, or even SSI and other services, since BIID is a mental illness, those benefits are most likely necessary.
Furthermore, for those who argue about me saying this, many in the BIID community themselves argue that those with BIID suffer from a terrible mental anguish and/or illness. Having observed this myself from my contact with those with BIID, I have to agree. This is also why I believe that medication and behavioral modifications should be pursued, as well as some kind of social development programs, where perhaps the individual will receive the attention they crave. Science is showing that the brain is affected and that the brain is different in someone with BIID (this is also something the BIID community believes to be true). No one is disputing there isn’t something different in the brain with a person who has BIID, but if it is clear that the something altered in the brain causes BIID, then a mind altering drug, such as SRIIs, should have the ability to alter said perceptions.
The truth is, nobody knows IF medication can help because not enough research has gone into finding a medication to work. It makes sense to believe that it might also be hard to try various medications simply because those with BIID are convinced their only course of treatment is to become disabled. There are various types of therapies; behavioral therapy, Neurobiofeedback, etc. that might actually help those with BIID. I don’t understand why those with BIID aren’t willing to give this a try?
#3. While not every person with BIID likes being compared to those with transgenderism, both researchers and those with BIID HAVE made the comparison. The reason why I feel the comparison is unfounded is:
A. Transgender studies are showing the brain of someone who is transgender isn’t altered the way someone with BIID is. The brain just happens to be identical to a person of the opposite sex from the transgender person’s birth sex. I should note this is specifically true in the case of transsexuals. This means nothing is altered in the brain. A birth female just has the average male brain or a birth male has the average female brain. No medication is available to alter the brain because there is technically nothing wrong with the brain.
B. Most with BIID admit that BIID is a mental disorder. Even the creators of the DSM admit that transgenderism isn’t a mental disorder/illness. In fact, you must be of sound mind and have no mental problems if you want to be qualified for hormones. If you are not mentally sound then you are most likely going to be denied hormone treatment and SRS.
C. Transgenderism has absolutely NOTHING to do with sexuality. Those who are transgendered aren’t aroused by their transition. Those who are transgendered don’t get off by dressing and living by the gender they feel they are. Those who believe this is true confuse transgenderism with transvestitism. Transvestites enjoy dressing up in the clothes of the opposite gender because it “gets them off”. Transgendered individuals are not like this (unless they also happen to be transvestites). FYI, I’ve never met a transgendered transvestite in any group I’ve been in online and off and as I know of transvestites I’m pretty sure if you are a transvestite you only like dressing up as the opposite gender, not becoming the opposite gender. That would make a transgender transvestite an oxymoron.
I have spoken with as well as read the accounts of wannabes (who have been diagnosed with BIID) who are also pretenders. At least half (if not more) of these individuals claim to receive sexual satisfaction throughout their pretending. For example, one man says that he gets a hard-on when wearing diapers (something he does to attempt to fulfill his desire to be paralyzed). He also gets great satisfaction from sitting in his wet diapers. Another woman gets such joy from pretending (wheeling around in public and having people acknowledge her in her wheelchair) that she goes home and masturbates, thinking about the experience.
A major part of pretending is having those around the pretender acknowledge the individual as being disabled. This seems to give the pretender great satisfaction. This is a major part of what these pretenders seem to seek from pretending. For many, this leads to sexual gratification in remembrance of these feelings (i.e. the woman who masturbates just thinking about her interaction with others). It seems that pretending is a very self-serving thing, perhaps even an attention getting action by those with BIID.
#4. That brings me to pretending. I have a major problem with people lying about having BIID. I especially dislike being lied to by someone who wants to try and relate to me, about my disability. I have been lied to by someone who claims they have BIID. The lie broke up our friendship. I felt like she preyed on me. She hung on my every word and got off on the fact that I was so willing to trust her, by sharing struggles only those in a wheelchair can understand. These lies HURT the people those with BIID lie to, and the hurt is no fun.
Those who have BIID and pretend say they truly understand the indignities those with physical disabilities endure, but trust me. NO ONE DOES UNLESS THEY LIVE IT!
You don’t know what it is truly like to be disabled because when you have BIID you LIKE being disabled. Many of us are okay with being disabled. Would we choose it for ourselves? Probably not. Many of us love ourselves, and love our lives, that there are many drawbacks to having a disability, which also can make the experience quite frustrating. By like it, I say that because it seems to give those with BIID satisfaction. They feel whole and happy by pretending or actually being disabled. Those of us with disabilities face many barriers that make life frustrating, and because of that we can acknowledge that life would be easier without having a disability. Not a day goes by where there is a moment of “gosh it’d be so much more convenient if I could just get up and ____________________.” Most of this is due to attitudinal and access oriented barriers, but that does not stop these experiences from being frustrating.
You don’t truly understand the discrimination, the name calling, the second class citizen status, or the camaraderie those with disabilities truly have with one another, especially understanding the stigma people face when they have a disability that is visible. You can’t understand simply because none of us would ever deceive each other. Most of us prefer not to lie about our disability and we’d never try to understand something we never could get. That is why I feel those with BIID simply cannot ever understand when it is like to be physically disabled without having a choice in the matter.
I don’t claim to be a psychologist or know it all, but I do know that I do not support amputation unless it’s medically necessary. I don’t support paralysis by choice. I feel there must be a better way. This is NOT a life you want to lead. If you cannot understand why those of us with disabilities think it is somewhat offensive for someone to make themselves disabled then I don’t know what else to say.
That being said, if you want to make yourself disabled by hacking off your own limb or paralyzing yourself, it is your body and nobody is going to stop you from doing it. However, I don’t think it should be done at the taxpayers cost nor do I think it should be done by a medical doctor, especially if those with BIID aren’t willing to at least consider other, possible alternative treatments.