Well, things are a bit calmer. I took a mental health day, to cool down, let things blow over and really contemplate what’s going on in my life, school wise. It is really important I finish school. I owe debt, so I think I need to get something out of the money I’ve wasted. I also don’t think its a good lesson to teach the kid. I don’t want him to think we can just drop out and quit things when the going gets tough. At the same time, I feel it is important he knows that if you are in an unhealthy situation, you need to get out of it.
So, as of now, my path is uncertain. I plan to just finish this quarter and then spend the summer shooting films. From there, I’d like to see where the films go. I really am happiest on a film set. People have no idea how comfortable I am there. There is nowhere else I’d rather be. I also want to look into spending some time in L.A. just because the creative vibe there is insane.
Anyway, I did realize that this isn’t just me over-reacting. One of my peers, appearing to be good-natured seemed quite thrilled that there would be one less in the competition. His reaction to me saying I’d switch to theory was to proclaim I was a great “author” and that it was for the best anyway. Wow. Really? I’m not an author. I’m a filmmaker. I think no one completely comprehends all I do for a production, on set, with my actors and so forth, because I cannot physically put up lights, or the like, so I guess it is presumed I’m just a writer. Writing isn’t even my thing. I am a creator and an editor. I help develop the initial concept. I have a writing partner who helps put my concept to paper. She is the writer and deserves credit for that. I do everything to help mold her beautiful, spun, written word. Yes, I can and DO write, but not often and not all the time. That is why Ash and I make the perfect duo. She completes the parts of me I do not fill out and vice versa.
Needless to say, I realize I probably have more practical and guerrilla film experience having spent all last summer shooting and making my projects much longer and in-depth. Ultimately, it was just another way to degrade me, and it made him look kind of ableist instead. Most I have told about it have found it highly offensive, actually.
Right now, I have one goal – make great films. Finishing the quarter off strong will make me feel better. Then I can have surgery on June 7 and recover from it by completing three more films. This summer is looking to be worth all the trouble. So, here’s hoping it all works out.
Oh and special shout out to Dr. Richter, who is one of the few to have the “cripples can always apply to film school while I’m around” mentality. She’s super intelligent, which makes her super hot, in my opinion. So, having a super hot person being so accommodating is a good sign. It means those of us with disabilities are no longer relegated to being supported by the odd, weird fringe of society….okay well maybe she’s a little weird, but that adds to her cool factor.