Well, some things have changed since I first posted about being turned away from Hospice, because my family put me on a no visit list. Since then, my grandfather has supposedly checked himself out of Hospice, telling his youngest and eldest children (his eldest, Pam, birthed me) he would move to Florida with his middle child if they continued to ignore his wishes. I am unaware of what wishes those are or what context this was said in, but to my knowledge, Willie still has no idea they turned me away from visiting. This means he never got the message I left with the Hospice nurses when I was up in Toledo.
I sent a Father’s day card, but was given no response on whether Willie received it. The worst of it though is that I’m not only banned from seeing Willie, but also talking to him on the phone. I know for a fact now that it is because I am a transgender individual. Well legally, I am a male, but technically I transitioned from female to male. It is easy to deduce this. Nobody had to tell me. Not that anyone is telling me anything anyway. It was clear Pam never told anyone I was transitioning from female to male. The extended family had no idea who Dominick was and when her cousin saw me and learned the truth it was too much. The Ryan family is ashamed of me, which is their problem, not mine. Still, it is costing Willie the right to see me.
I called to talk to Willie once I knew he was home, but Pam instructed her cousin Pat not to let me talk to my grandfather. Pat told lie after lie (you were on speaker phone, Pat – so a room of people heard the lies). Everyone could also hear Pam instructing him in the background. Pat isn’t a very good liar, because the story of why Willie couldn’t talk kept changing. He also refused to answer when I asked why he’d be privy to keeping a grandchild who loved him from talking to Willie. It was sad and just further proved nobody has Willie’s best interest at heart.
I must remind everyone who knows Willie that if he KNEW they were keeping me from him and him from me, he’d be FURIOUS! Willie is the most independent person I know. Now, they are keeping me from him because they know he will be pissed off at them. If I were to talk to him he would find out they prevented me from seeing him and then he’d be mad at them. This is all about them, saving face, and trying to control and punish me. All it has done is prove that the family is a bunch of sheep, unwilling to honor the man who has bailed them all out of every and any kind of trouble by denying him access to a grandkid he LOVES. Willie LOVES me and I LOVE him and they are denying HIM that love. It’s absolutely disgusting and I don’t know how any of them can live with themselves.
I also want to add I have NEVER hurt Willie. I have done nothing but love him. Anyone who believes I have a negative influence on him or have in any way harmed him doesn’t know me or hasn’t seen us together. The nurses in the hospital when he was there were so touched by how much love and affection he and I shared. As they said, Willie is my biggest fan. I’m pretty fond of him, too. If anyone believes by keeping me from him they are helping Willie, they need to get a clue. That is false. This is not about protecting Willie from me, it’s about cutting the *freak* out of the family. It is prejudice, and bigoted and by sitting by and letting it happen the others are no better than those doing it. Any one of them could have told Willie I tried to visit him or tried to call him, but none of them have or will.
I am reminded of this poem, which I feel fits well with the circumstances:
First they came for the communists,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a communist.
Then they came for the socialists,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a socialist.
Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a Jew.
Then they came for the Catholics,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a Catholic.
Then they came for me,
and there was no one left to speak for me.
So, who is next to be banned from seeing Willie?
I have been on an emotional roller coaster. I feel such horrible sadness. I lay awake at night sick to my stomach, praying to all the Gods I believe in that by some stroke of fate I will get to talk to Willie again. I’ve contacted a law office to see if I even have any legal options or if Willie has any legal rights, considering he has no idea they are blocking me from seeing and speaking to him. I also cannot imagine how people can be so cruel.
This is true hatred right here. The Ryan family is CRUEL. They are HATEFUL. One day they will have to face the fact that they were so willing to denigrate someone who has done nothing to them. Really? What is my crime? My real crime? Becoming a dude? Nothing is worth denying a dying man access to someone he loves…not even stupid, foolish, petty pride. They will have to live with what they’ve done. They’ll also have to realize some things can never be forgiven or forgotten….
[tags]transgender, transition, transsexual, FTM, family, denied, grandfather, Willis Ryan, Toledo, Willie, Dominick Evans[/tags]
2 responses to “Update on My Grandfather – Cutting the Freak out of the Family”
Do you need any help with legal fees?
As of now, I don’t know if I’ll have any legal fees. I contacted the Transgender Law Center, to see if I have any legal options, at all!