I have spent most of my life disappointing someone within it, and it has taken me many years to realize that is on them. I am a disappointment because I am transgender. I’m not attracted to the people I’m supposed to be attracted to. I have a disability that is progressive, and my loss of function is disappointing to someone. All of these things are things that are out of my control. Essentially, I’m considered a disappointment because of who I am as a person.
I have had a lot of people tell me they love me as a person, but do not agree with me being transgender. They do not agree with me dating a woman. They don’t agree with things that are a part of who I am. I can’t change who I am. Lord knows, I have tried. It wasn’t until I started accepting myself, for who I am, that I truly started to care about myself. I still have a long way to go where that is concerned. One of the steps on the journey is recognizing what is toxic for me to hear. One of those things is that people love me, but they don’t love my “sin.”
What they mean by sin, is me being trans. It is a really distorted way to look at reality. I love you, but I don’t love an essential part of you. I don’t approve of you being transgender…but I still love you. That sentiment rings hollow. How can you love someone if you don’t love all of them? Being transgender is not something you can slip on and off. You are who you are. People either accept all of you, or they don’t really accept you.
You can love someone, and disagree when they are doing something harmful to themselves. For example, we can love someone who is addicted to drugs. However, we may not approve of the drug use. Of course, being a drug addict is not an essential part of anyone’s existence or identity. Therein lies the difference. I am transgender. I did not choose this. I simply am. Being transgender is not harmful to me or anyone else. I’m not doing harm by living my life openly and honestly. Those advocating for discrimination, yet saying they love LGBT people, do not truly accept those people they claim to love. It is not love to say I love part of you, but not all of you. That is what I love the sinner, but not this sin means. You don’t love the whole person.
I want those who are around me to accept me as I am. I like to think that I’m a good person. I hope that I am. I strive to be. I don’t deserve to face discrimination simply because of who I am, and yet sadly that’s the world we live in. I do know that those who truly accept me and truly value my contribution to society, don’t judge me because I’m transgender. They accept all of me.
When we judge someone because of who they are, and use biblical text as the motivation for such judgment, we are ignoring the idea within other biblical text that humans are not supposed to play whatever God you may believe in. If more people followed the belief that a God or gods would be the ultimate judge and that they should love thy neighbor as they love themselves, which means free of stipulations about something they cannot change about themselves, the world would be a much better place.
So, the next time someone tells you they love you, but they don’t approve of you being LGBT, tell that person they must not love all of you, because that is what they are saying. Love me…all of me as I am, and accept me as I am. Otherwise, you don’t really truly love me at all.